{"id":633,"date":"2014-06-16T15:00:10","date_gmt":"2014-06-16T15:00:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/192.168.3.178\/?p=633"},"modified":"2015-01-06T11:10:05","modified_gmt":"2015-01-06T11:10:05","slug":"the-surprisingly-easy-guide-to-surviving-a-terrible-movie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.musicmagpie.co.uk\/blog\/2014\/06\/16\/the-surprisingly-easy-guide-to-surviving-a-terrible-movie\/","title":{"rendered":"The surprisingly easy guide to surviving a terrible movie"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>You\u2019ve been in the cinema for half an hour, but something isn\u2019t right. There\u2019s an angry feeling in your stomach and your head hurts. Your popcorn tastes of disappointment.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019re watching a terrible movie.<\/p>\n<p>You can\u2019t leave either. Your girlfriend\/boyfriend really wants to watch it, and you don\u2019t want to waste the tenner you spent on a ticket\/DVD.<\/p>\n<p>How will you survive?<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s surprisingly easy, actually.<\/p>\n<h3>Guess the plot<\/h3>\n<p>This is easily the most annoying thing anyone can do during a movie, so make sure you do it constantly to ensure an early exit\/DVD switch off. You get bonus points if your suggestions make no sense (i.e. predicting that Channing Tatum will turn into a dragon and liberate Tibet at the end of <em>Dear John &#8211; <\/em>oops, spoiler alert!). Bear in mind that whoever you&#8217;re watching with will probably hate you for a little while.<\/p>\n<p>Here&#8217;s a little demonstration of the technique:<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/KTc4zI_7-Ms\" height=\"315\" width=\"560\" allowfullscreen=\"\" frameborder=\"0\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h3>Pretend you\u2019re watching something else<\/h3>\n<p>You\u2019re sat in front of a terrible movie, hating life. What do you do?<\/p>\n<p>Easy. Imagine you\u2019re watching something you like.<\/p>\n<p>Using the human brain\u2019s wonderful daydreaming feature, you can replay your favourite film in your mind as you watch a terrible film*.<\/p>\n<p>Just remember to sneak off and read the bad film\u2019s Wikipedia page so you\u2019re ready for post-film conversation.<\/p>\n<p>*results may vary depending on how well you know the film and how distracting you find bad movies.<\/p>\n<h3>Invent a game based on the movie<\/h3>\n<p>Bad movies are a health risk. Not only do they bore us, but they make us sad, angry, depressed, anxious and willing to do extreme things to escape from the situation (i.e. jumping out of the window, shouting \u201d\u02dcFIRE!\u2019 in the middle of a crowded cinema).<\/p>\n<p>Luckily, the threat bad movies pose to our health causes our survival instinct to kick in, as evidenced by the amount of drinking games bad movies have inspired.<\/p>\n<p>Next time you find yourself in front of a bad movie, try and invent your own game. The time you spend coming up with rules and regulations will make the movie seem half as long.<\/p>\n<p>Be warned though: if your game catches on with your friends, you\u2019re going to have to watch the movie a lot. Remember not to make it too good!<\/p>\n<p>Here&#8217;s a bit of <a title=\"inspiration from Total Film\" href=\"https:\/\/www.totalfilm.com\/features\/the-20-best-movie-drinking-games\">inspiration from Total Film<\/a>.<\/p>\n<h3>Wear glasses with eyeballs stuck to them and have a snooze<\/h3>\n<p>Well, it works in cartoons, doesn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n<p>The technique is demonstrated here by&#8230;erm, an apple:<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/192.168.3.178\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/apple-with-googly-eyes.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-636\" alt=\"Apple with eyes\" src=\"http:\/\/192.168.3.178\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/apple-with-googly-eyes.jpg\" width=\"780\" height=\"532\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.musicmagpie.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/apple-with-googly-eyes.jpg 780w, https:\/\/www.musicmagpie.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/apple-with-googly-eyes-300x204.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 780px) 100vw, 780px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em>Image credit: <a title=\"Richard Kelland\" href=\"https:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/rkelland\/\">Richard Kelland<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n<h3>Be honest<\/h3>\n<p>Turn to your partner, tell them you\u2019re not enjoying the film and that you\u2019d rather do something else.<\/p>\n<p>&#8230;nah, that sounds too rational.<\/p>\n<h3>Create distractions<\/h3>\n<p>Nothing ruins a film quite like distractions. Turn your phone on loud and tell your friends to constantly call you. Encourage your neighbours to throw an impromptu rave. Tell your mum you haven\u2019t eaten properly so that she calls you constantly during the film.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re at home, the distractions should ruin the film enough to put the DVD off. If you\u2019re at the cinema, you\u2019ll get kicked out (and probably banned).<\/p>\n<h3>Endure it<\/h3>\n<p>Sit tight, grit your teeth and endure the film. You\u2019ll hate yourself for it, but it\u2019ll make you a stronger person. You\u2019ll also appreciate the films you do like a whole lot more&#8230;if you\u2019re not too traumatised to ever watch a film again.<\/p>\n<p>What crazy methods have you used to get out of a bad movie? Share your stories with us on <a title=\"Facebook\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/musicmagpie\">Facebook <\/a>and <a title=\"Twitter\" href=\"https:\/\/www.twitter.com\/musicmagpie\">Twitter<\/a>!<\/p>\n<p><em>Featured image credit: <a title=\"Leo Hidalgo\" href=\"https:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/ileohidalgo\/\">Leo Hidalgo on Flickr<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You\u2019ve been in the cinema for half an hour, but something isn\u2019t right. There\u2019s an angry feeling in your stomach and your head hurts. Your popcorn tastes of disappointment. You\u2019re watching a terrible movie. You can\u2019t leave either. Your girlfriend\/boyfriend really wants to watch it, and you don\u2019t want to &hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":639,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16,204],"tags":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.musicmagpie.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/633"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.musicmagpie.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.musicmagpie.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.musicmagpie.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.musicmagpie.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=633"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/www.musicmagpie.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/633\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3108,"href":"https:\/\/www.musicmagpie.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/633\/revisions\/3108"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.musicmagpie.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/639"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.musicmagpie.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=633"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.musicmagpie.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=633"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.musicmagpie.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=633"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}