Everyone\u2019s favourite mud and music extravaganza kicks off this weekend and thousands of inexperienced souls will be losing their Glasto virginity.<\/p>\n
You might think going to a festival for the 1st<\/sup> time would a fun, life-enhancing experience \u201d\u201c but you\u2019d be wrong. Without preparation, a fresh-faced Glastonbury greenhorn will be eaten alive (or at least get a bit lost and miss their favourite bands).<\/p>\n That is why we\u2019ve compiled this surprisingly easy guide to (surviving) Glastonbury. Take heed, youngsters; these wise words may just save your life (or, more likely, help you have more fun)…<\/p>\n Let\u2019s get the bad news out of the way first, eh? You\u2019re going to miss a lot of good bands over the course of the weekend, and there\u2019s nothing you can do about it. Scheduling conflicts suck, but they\u2019re a necessary evil.<\/p>\n Here are a few key decisions you\u2019ll have to make over the course of the weekend:<\/p>\n Metallica or Mogwai?<\/strong><\/p>\n Massive Attack or Disclosure?<\/strong><\/p>\n Manic Street Preachers or Jack White?<\/strong><\/p>\n The Horrors or Dolly Parton (although this one is pretty obvious)?<\/strong><\/p>\n You also need to factor in the time you spend a) drunk, b) hungover or c) completely lost. Basically, you won\u2019t get to see everything no matter how hard you try.<\/p>\n Ooo, look! A funny hat! Some magic crystals! Lollypops made from hay!<\/p>\n No, no, no! Don\u2019t buy rubbish! This is a game of survival, and you\u2019re going to need all the cash you can get because…<\/p>\n A small bottle of water will set you back \u00a33. A hot dog will cost you a \u00a310. And alcohol? Well, we\u2019ll leave it to you to discover that little surprise…<\/p>\n Short people are dealt a poor hand at festivals. It\u2019s guaranteed that someone really tall will stand in front of you when your favourite band is on, and all you\u2019ll remember is hearing your favourite songs while staring at someone\u2019s bald patch.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t fret: just bring a nice stool to stand on. You might think that this is bad etiquette, but anything is fair game since people broke the ultimate taboo and started putting chairs out in front of the stage.<\/p>\n You\u2019re over 6\u20193\u201d\u009d \u201d\u201c congratulations! Or should we say commiserations \u201d\u201c you\u2019re about to get pestered by small people wanting to sit on your shoulders for 3 days. Enjoy (and remember you can say no)!<\/p>\n Even if you\u2019ve drawn up a master plan to see every band you want to see, it\u2019ll fall apart at some point – usually for one of the reasons stated above (money, getting lost, etc.) Relax and don\u2019t let it bother you.<\/p>\n You\u2019re probably not going to shower for a couple of days so you\u2019ll need to learn to love the smell of yourself. Try not wearing deodorant for a couple of days as a dry run (warning: colleagues might think you\u2019re an unhygienic layabout).<\/p>\n Bear in mind that your friends won\u2019t shower either, so you should get used to their smell too. In fact, just get used to terrible smells in general.<\/p>\n Festival life isn\u2019t the glamorous fun it appears to be on television. Remember to pack for every eventuality: baby wipes are near-essential.<\/p>\n Oh, and a nice pair of ear plugs for getting your beauty sleep.<\/p>\n There are dedicated charging tents but you\u2019ll have to queue for hours to get into one. Just turn your phone off and appreciate the atmosphere…man.<\/p>\n Or buy a charge bar. Hippies need smartphones too.<\/p>\n Have you got any top Glastonbury survival tips or stories you\u2019d like to share? Tell us on Facebook<\/a>, Twitter<\/a> or in the comments.<\/p>\nBe prepared to miss a lot of good acts<\/h3>\n
Don\u2019t buy rubbish<\/h3>\n
Everything costs 20x more than it normally would<\/h3>\n
Bring something to stand on (if you\u2019re short)<\/h3>\n
Be prepared to put people on your shoulders (if you\u2019re tall)<\/h3>\n
Remember: the greatest plans fall apart<\/h3>\n
Learn to love your own stench (and those of your friends)<\/h3>\n
Pack a survival kit<\/h3>\n
Don\u2019t worry about your phone<\/h3>\n