Bollox detox - Jasmine Birtles

Feeling run down? Need a boost to put some sparkle into your life? Want to discover the key to feeling refreshed, invigorated and full of energy? Well you won't find it in this book. Bollox Detox doesn't have the answers to your questions about life, the universe and cellulite. Nor will it show you how to achieve immortality through humming or how to learn to love your inner lizard. But it will make you laugh and save you money on the the latest fad diet. Remember, inside every thin woman is a fat one dying to get at the chocolate cake.

* Don't go on a twenty-eight day diet. All you lose is four weeks.

* Try the Marlon Brando diet - you're not allowed to eat more than one species into extinction per day.

* DIY colonic irrigation: two chicken vindaloos and a photo of Anne Widdecombe.

Jasmine Birtles is a finance expert, financial and business commentator, broadcaster, author and humourist. She read English Literature at Christ's College, Cambridge, where she was a member of the Footlights. She is the author of several books, including A Woman's Little Instruction Book, The Little Book of Abuse and The Money Magpie.