Ask a ninja presents The ninja handbook - Douglas Sarine

DEADLY NINJA WISDOM FOR THE NON-NINJA

Carefully consider the joy of your soft-headed ignorance before you begin to run, flip, and jump along the Ninja Path.


After much debate and in a spirit of morbid amusement, the International Order of Ninjas has chosen to produce The Ninja Handbook, the first-ever secret ninja training guide specifically designed for the non-ninja.
Most non-ninjas who handle these delicate, deadly pages will die-probably in an elaborately horrific and painful manner. But whether your journey lasts five seconds or five days or (rather inconceivably) five years, all those who bravely take up this text and follow the tenets and trials laid out within will die knowing they were as ninja as they possibly could've been.

For the true of heart or the extremely lucky, this powerful and honorable manuscript contains such phenomenal ninja wisdom as:

How to create and name your very own lethal ninja clan
The proper weapon to use when fighting a vampire pumpkin
Why clowns and robots are so dangerous on the Internet
Easy-to-follow charts showing when to slice and when to stab
How to execute such ultradeadly kicks as the Driving Miss Daisy
Why pretty much every ninja movie ever made sucks
How to make a shoggoth explode using well-placed foliage
What the heck a shoggoth is and why you'll need to make it explode
Death Aide certification
And much more ninjafied enlightenment on every shuriken-sharp page!

Remember: People do not take the Path, the Path takes people.