Fat white vampire blues - Andrew Fox

He's undead, overweight, and can't get a date

Vampire, nosferatu,
creature of the night-whatever you call him-Jules Duchon has lived (so to speak)
in New Orleans far longer than there have been drunk coeds on Bourbon Street. Weighing
in at a whopping four hundred and fifty pounds, swelled up on the sweet, rich blood
of people who consume the fattiest diet in the world, Jules is thankful he can't
see his reflection in a mirror. When he turns into a bat, he can't get his big ol'
butt off the ground.

What's worse, after more than a century of being undead,
he's watched his neighborhood truly go to hell-and now, a new vampire is looking
to drive him out altogether. See, Jules had always been an equal opportunity kind
of vampire. And while he would admit that the blood of a black woman is sweeter than
the blood of a white man, Jules never drank more than his fair share of either. Enter
Malice X . Young, cocky, and black, Malice warns Jules that his days of feasting
on sisters and brothers are over. He tells Jules he'd better confine himself to white
victims-or else face the consequences. And then, just to prove he isn't kidding,
Malice burns Jules's house to the ground.

With the help of Maureen, the morbidly
obese, stripper-vampire who made him, and Doodlebug, an undead cross-dresser who
(literally) flies in from the coast-Jules must find a way to contend with the hurdles
that life throws at him . . . without getting a stake through the heart. It's enough
to give a man the blues.