Football Mad - Grace Jolliffe

A SHORT STORY ABOUT A KID WHO LOVES FOOTBALL - FOR KIDS WHO LOVE FOOTBALL
FROM A SERIES OF SHORT CHILDREN'S STORIES
Shane Cooney is absolutely Football Mad. He loves to play football, watch football and even dreams about football. In his dreams Shane's the hero of the match but like all dreamers poor Shane has to wake up. Shane is desperate to win a place on the school football team. But there's something stopping him, and that something is a very grouchy football coach called old Hobbler who doesn't think Shane's good enough.
CROSS-EYED CATS AND ONE-LEGGED-NUNS
Recently, old Hobbler took Shane aside after the game and told him that he'd seen grannies, cross-eyed cats, and one-legged-nuns with better headers than Shane! Of course, Shane was wondering where old Hobbler saw one-legged nuns playing football but he didn't dare ask him. Nobody ever questioned anything old Hobbler said - at least not to his face. Old Hobbler went on to say that Shane would have a chance of getting on the team if he practiced at home, especially his header.
STRIKE ACTION
After what old Hobbler said all the lads laughed at poor Shane. He tries to get his parents to help him but all his dad wants to do is read his books in peace while dunking ginger biscuits in his tea . His mum's too busy fighting the war on cellulite by stretching herself into strange and bendy yoga shapes.
Determined Shane is forced to take drastic action - strike action, but even that doesn't get his parents out of the house and into the garden. Then Shane's Grandad comes to visit and starts to teach Shane all about tactical negotiation.
NOT JUST ANOTHER FOOTBALL STORY
Football Mad isn't just about football. It's one of those stories that adults enjoy as much as kids. Busy parents can empathize with Shane's Mum and Dad who are trying to juggle work and family life. In a lighthearted way, this story reassures us that there's no such thing as perfect parents, or perfect children - we are all just human.
PRAISE FOR FOOTBALL MAD
'Wickedly funny and highly entertaining - Football Mad follows the efforts of Shane Cooney as he tries to persuade his nerdy dad that scoring goals is far more important than surfing the net. Will Shane succeed in making the first team? Will his dad ever lift his eyes from the computer? Grace Jolliffe's sense of mischief comes to the fore in this enjoyable battle of wills. Written to tickle your funny bone.'
- June Considine
AUTHORS NOTE
This story was broadcast on Ireland's RTE Radio One as part of its kid's short story series. This story is set in Ireland where all of my children's stories are set. This story is narrated by the main character, Shane and the voice is his own. One of the things I most enjoy doing is writing dialogue, especially children's and I feel strongly that you don't know who a character is until you've made them talk. This is one of those children's stories that adults seem to enjoy as much as kids. Most parents feel empathy with Shane's Mum and Dad who didn't want to be roped into playing football with their son. After all, they are very busy and there's no such thing as perfect parents, or perfect children.