F U, penguin - Matthew Gasteier

Attention, all you clumsy pandas, lovable puffins, huggable bunnies, and penguins
that elicit ooohs and aaahs: The jig is up! We have lived under your furry fists
for too long.

There is a cute and present danger lurking out there-in the wild,
in the zoos, and sometimes even in our very own homes. Spurred on by the Cute Industrial
Complex, these cuddly animals have taken over blockbuster films, inspirational posters,
and computer desktops everywhere, further weakening the innocent civilians who are
beguiled by these fuzzy frauds.

But you are stronger than them, aren't you? Those
soft bellies and wet noses are no match for you-and their free ride has just come
to an end.

F U, Penguin is the rallying cry for those who choose to fight these
power-hungry cute-mongers. Loaded with color photographs and hilarious commentary,
this book will have you laughing out loud while it simultaneously saves you from
the tragic fate of tossing yarn with big-eyed kittens and bottle-nursing baby pandas
forever.

___________________________

"Finally, a book for the rest of us! Most
animals go about our business without playing to the audience like the elitists exposed
in these chapters.I wasn't sure how many more times I could hear about those great
penguins and pandas and kittens before I started eating people... well, more people,
anyway."-Jerry the Shark

"Penguins killed my parents, and they would not hesitate
to kill me. I thank the Crustacean God for Matthew Gasteier, a true saint and a decent
human being in a world filled with heartless penguin accomplices."-Dennis the Krill

"It's all true. We're the worst."-Anonymous Penguin

"The average dolphin is far
beyond this level of vulgarity, but I could see how this would be a very enjoyable
book for humans. I should remember to hand these out to some of my slower relatives
at the common ancestor reunion."-Edward the Dolphin

"Thank you for your submission.
Unfortunately, this style of book is not something we are currently looking for.
However, we wish you the best of luck with your human publishers!"-Danielle the Bear,
Editor-in-Chief, Random Cave Publishing