Lies and truths ma mother telt me! - Allan Morrison

Allan Morrison has again scoured the hearts and minds of Scots at home and abroad to bring this hilarious compilation of sayings which reveal the inner workings of that most formidable of personalities...your mother! Over 350 lies and 250 truths are here and when you utter them you should have a scowl on your face and a lump in your throat! Here are some examples: 'IF YOU DON'T BEHAVE AH'LL PAWN YE AN' SELL THE TICKET!' 'IF YE GIVE ME ANOTHER DIRTY LOOK YER FACE WILL LOOK LIKE LAST YEAR'S RHUBARB!' 'YE WON'T BE HAPPY TILL YER GREETIN'.' 'A WEE BIRDIE TOLD ME.' 'EAT YER CRUSTS AN' YE'LL GET CURLY HAIR.' 'THE NURSE BROUGHT YOU IN HER WEE BLACK BAG.' 'YE DON'T NEED TAE BRUSH ALL YER TEETH. JIST THE WANS YE WANT TAE KEEP.' 'NO, I WASN'T LOOKING THROUGH YOUR DRAWERS. I WAS JUST PUTTING AWAY YOUR CLEAN UNDERWEAR.' 'WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR BEDROOM FLOOR? I CAN'T FIND IT.' 'JIST REMEMBER. IN LIFE WAN MINUTE YOU'RE A PEACOCK AN' THE NEXT YOU'RE A FEATHER DUSTER.' 'YOUR TEDDY WITH THE ONE EYE HAS GONE TO LIVE IN HEAVEN.' 'CASTOR OIL CURES EVERYTHING BUT A WIDDEN LEG.' 'YER CONSCIENCE IS THE WEE INNER VOICE YE HEAR WHEN AH'M LOOKIN' AT YE.'