MacRory's breeks and other Highland humour - Chris Tyler

'What is that floating in the ebb tide?' asked one islander of another.' It looks like a board of some sort.' 'Is it moving?' 'Yes, quite fast.' 'Then it will be a board of wood. If it was moving slow, it would be the Board of Agriculture.' * * * An old Highland crofter lost his wife and his cow on the same day. All his friends came to console him on the death of his wife, and some of them were not slow to drop a hint about possible replacements from among the widows of the parish. The fifth time this happened, his patience broke. 'Ye're aal keen to fix me up wi' a new wife,' he said, 'but no-one is saying anything at aal aboot a coo.' * * * Edmund Burt tells the story of how a Laird of Keppoch...was out in a winter campaign against a neighbouring laird. He gave orders for rolling a snowball to lay under his head in the night. At this his followers murmured, saying: 'Now we despair of victory, since our leader is become so effeminate he can't sleep without a pillow.' This is a compendium of the wit and wisdom of the Highlander through the ages - the first ever - ranging through traditional sayings and proverbs to modern tales and poems.What all reveal is a sense of humour as distinctive as it is elusive. Often dry, ironic and dead-pan, Highland humour can also be ribald, satirical and mischievous, though to pin down exactly what is so distinctive about it would require a specialist study. Yet if one thing links it all is its sharpness and intelligence. From the days of Columba to the twenty-first century, much may have changed in the Highlands, but humour remains a constant thread.