Mad cows - Kathy Lette

Every woman wants to be wanted . . . just not by the entire Metropolitan police force . . .

Maddy Wolfe's first day out with her newborn takes a Kafkaesque turn when she's arrested in Harrods for shoplifting. If this is a miscarriage of justice, then detaining her in Holloway Prison's Mother and Baby Unit is the D&C.

The only person she can turn to is her hot-to-trot ex-lover Alex, who proves himself as useful as a solar-powered vibrator on a rainy day. When will he realize that a paternity suit is not the latest look in men's leisure wear?

How do you brief a lawyer with a heat-seeking penis that doesn't report to mission control? And why the hell is Maddy's friend Gillian searching for a sperm happy to get egg all over its face?

There's hard knocks and rude shocks in this devastatingly witty follow-up to Foetal Attraction. You'll split your episiotomy stitches laughing.

'Mad Cows should be renamed Wet Your Knickers With Laughter . . . read it, love it and be prepared to change your undies! Company

'Lette's bitingly sarcastic prose . . . breaks through taboos with a wit so daring that you'll gasp at her bravado before you laugh out loud' Elle

'Quick-witted fiction . . . quick-fire wisecracks . . . ascending into the starry firmament of much-loved and bestselling comic novelists' New Women