One hundred ways to live with a cat addict - Ronald Payne

Celia Haddon's husband, Ronnie, gets his revenge in this set of guidelines for those who share a home with one or more feline demi-gods and their devoted humans.

The fundamental rule one of rubbling along with cat and devoted human is to acknowledge that they are right in all circumstances. The good news is that peace may reign without abject surrender.

Take part in enthusiastically choosing the name of a new cat. The main aim must be to prevent it being called something embarrassing like Cleopatra or Saddam Hussein. Never forget that the time will come when you will be discovered in the street shouting, 'Come here, Saddam'.

'Keep cats out of the bedroom at all costs. Infuriating feline fascination with what the humans are up to must have spoiled more nights of passion than grey flannel knickers ever did.'