Clive Whichelowis a journalist and comedy writer. He has written for Rory Bremner, Jonathan Ross, Spitting Image and many others as well as forThe Mail on Sunday, theDaily Expressand theDaily Mirror.
You may be too late to take up pole dancing and the closest thing you get to extreme sports these days is prising the top off a ketchup bottle.
On the bright side, you can now lie back and take it easy - just not so far back that you can't get up again. And it's only 20 years before you get that telegram from the Queen!
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