The bluffer's guide to sex - Rebecca Newman

Instantly acquire all the knowledge you need to pass as an expert in the world of sex, seduction, and the sensual arts. Never again confuse a Flying Wallenda with an Inverted Wheelbarrow, food sex with vanilla sex, or a banjo string with a cupid stunt. Bask in the admiration of your fellow enthusiasts as you pronounce confidently on the comparative pleasures of identifying and arousing 'P-spots', 'E-spots' and 'G-spots', and effortlessly learn how to hold your own (figuratively speaking) against keen devotees of 'frottage'.

DO SAY: 'A cursory look at the design and anatomical positioning of the male and female sexual organs shows that when God designed Homo sapiens, aestheticism and ease of access were not high on the job description. The human genitalia are not exactly user-friendly.'

DON'T SAY: 'I feel that it's time for our sex life to move on to the next stage. You don't have a fear of rodents, do you?'