The Surprisingly Easy Guide to Becoming a Son of Anarchy (Without Breaking the Law)
Sons of Anarchy is one of the biggest TV hits of the past few years for one reason and one reason only: everyone loves biker gangs.
Alright, so the show is incredibly well-written and acted, and the plots have been brilliant and enthralling (season 6 is out on DVD today, if you’re interested) but come on. The main reason you watch it is because you secretly want to be in a biker gang.
Unfortunately, joining a biker gang – especially one like the Sons of Anarchy – means committing quite a few crimes, which moral law-abiding citizens like ourselves don’t really want to do.
But you don’t have to give up on your dream. You can still become a Son of Anarchy without engaging in random acts of violence and gun-running – in fact, you won’t even need to break the speed limit. Here’s how:
Get a bike
How are you supposed to be the leader of a biker gang if you don’t have your own bike?
Note that we didn’t say motorbike. There are 2 reasons for that: 1, good-looking motorbikes cost a lot of money and 2, the UK doesn’t have enough dusty roads to make your Harley look as awesome as it should.
Therefore, your best bet is a good old-fashioned push bike, preferably in black. Cover it in stickers of skulls, weapons and conflicting political symbols and watch the world literally shiver in fear.*
*ride on cold nights to achieve this effect.
Buy the biker gang starter kit
There are few commonly accepted items that every biker worth his chewing tobacco has. Luckily, you can buy most of them from the shops without people questioning what you are doing.
Chewing gum (because chewing tobacco is gross)
A long wig (to achieve that unkempt biker look in an instant)
The Motorcycle Diaries by Che Guevara
101 Biker Anthems: compilation album
A warm coat and a sensible flask for hot beverages (it gets cold being outside all day)
Come up with a cool name for your gang
The Sons of Anarchy is a very cool name, but it’s probably not that suitable for your law-abiding but still-cool gang. To make your own name, take the name of a deadly animal and add a positive personality trait, like so:
The Snakes of Politeness
The Tigers of Patience
The Komodo Dragons of Being Nice To Your Mum
Make your own custom jacket
The calling card for any biker gang (apart from bikes, obviously) is a sweet customised jacket.
Unfortunately, unlike the outlaws in Sons of Anarchy, we have to observe the laws of the road and that means your jacket will have to be high-viz. Sorry. But hey, that won’t stop us. Write your gang’s name in your scariest writing on the back and stitch some tattoo-style patches to it. You’ll look like the world’s meanest council worker.
Find some like-minded friends
You can’t be a one-man gang, which means you’ll need some friends to join you. That is easier said than done, as most grown-ups aren’t that into pretending they’re the member of a biker gang. Feel free to enlist your kids instead, although don’t expect them to take it half as seriously as you do.
Find a purpose
All biker gangs have a purpose. Some like fighting. Some like comparing paint jobs. Others like going gathering at pubs and getting really drunk.
All of those sound fun (apart from fighting), but you need a unique purpose. How about forming a nice biker gang who help old people cross the road? It’s not quite Sons of Anarchy, but at least you won’t go to jail.
Of course, all of this costs money. Sell some DVDs with musicMagpie today and pursue your dreams, easy rider!