What will people of the future think of today’s biggest musicians?
Time changes everything. People in the 50s thought Elvis was a snake-hipped Satan worshipper intent on corrupting the minds of young women, while we think of him as a slightly comical but legendary singer with a taste in nifty jumpsuits.
So what will people in the future think about today’s biggest musicians? We gazed into our crystal ball and had a guess…
How we see him: A talented but extremely egotistical rapper whose occasionally brilliant music is often overshadowed by his mad ramblings about his genius. Oh, and he’s married to Kim Kardashian too.
How the future will see him: Perhaps the greatest musical genius of the 21st century, Kanye sits alongside Da Vinci, Shakespeare and Jim Carrey in the pantheon of humanity’s finest artists.
As a member of the unstoppable Kardashian clan (who took control of the entire planet sometime around 2025), Yeezy also wielded considerable political power.
However, like Shakespeare, a lot of people don’t really understand what’s so special about Kanye even though they’re constantly told he’s brilliant. So really, it’s not too different from now.
How we see him: A formerly unstoppable child star who broke bad by crashing cars, getting into fights and abandoning monkeys in Germany. He is possibly the most annoying man on the planet.
How the future will see him: The co-founder of the ‘Child Stars Gone Bad’ retreat (along with Miley Cyrus and Macaulay Culkin), which helps stop famous children from doing mad things like crashing cars, forming pizza-themed Velvet Underground tribute bands and twerking with Robin Thicke. Courses include ‘Haircuts: How To Help Your Fans Deal With Change’, ‘I’m A Belieber: How to Stay Famous When Your Fanbase Grows Up’ and ‘Twerking: When Is It Appropriate?’
How we see them: The most popular boyband in the world, with a scarily devoted fanbase. They’ll probably break up in the next couple of years…
How the future will see them: It turns out One Direction never broke up and became the leaders of the biggest social movement of the 21st century, the Directioners. After moving on from their cheery brand of pop in 2030, the boys (with Zayn, who rejoined when he realised that he was missing out on all that lovely money) moved into politics and Harry Styles was elected as Prime Minister shortly after, despite his policies consisting of ‘free hair straighteners for everyone’ and a knighthood for Simon Cowell.
The boys continued to enjoy success until Cowell (now existing as a omnipotent computer intelligence) betrayed them and formed Two Directions. The boys disappeared soon after.
How we see her: One of the biggest popstars on the planet, with a seemingly endless stream of catchy hits under her belt.
How the future will see her: The only person to ever get everything she ever wanted. Shortly after convincing Apple Music to pay artists, Swift realised she could write a letter and get pretty much anything she wanted. This included: a fleet of private jets, an army of dolphins, her own country, a lifetime’s supply of Cathedral City cheddar and a gold statue of herself on top of the Empire State Building.
Swift was also one of the leading religious figures of the 21st century, with ‘Swiftism’ becoming the 2nd most popular religion in the world (after ‘Directionism’).
How we see them: Possibly the world’s most popular rock bands, fronted by one of the nicest men in rock, Dave Grohl.
How the future will see them: The most reliable band in the world, whom nothing can stop. After Grohl played a gig after breaking his leg in 2015, the band faced even more hardships during subsequent gigs, yet still managed to complete a full set in the face of hurricanes, robot uprisings and the eventual heat death of the universe.
How we see them: Nine masked lunatics who play extremely noisy music.
How the future will see them: Nine masked lunatics who played extremely noisy music.
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